<div>

<p>"I think" and "i don't know", Date: May 21st 23:15</p>

<p>I say "I think" and "i don't know" when I talk about my feelings, mostly to you. It's my cheap cop-out of going deeper into how i feel. Even when talking to myself I pull that bullshit, then wonder why I sob at the slightest deep conversation. If i ever say i dont know, i guess, or i think. I do know, but I'm just not ready to think it, do it, say it, whatever.</p>

<p>I write this all online telling myself it's faster to type rather than write out my "feelings". But i find myself backspacing and deleting shit telling myself what I just wrote was too much or too boring. That defeats the whole purpose of this probably.</p>

<p>I like to think of myself as an introspective person but I find myself time and time again, lacking to ability to put everything into words. I feel as if I've been trained to see how i feel as an objective thing to simply move past, rather than some ooey gooey thing to nurture. I'd say i'm more emotionally analytical and empathetic rather than fully understanding.</p>

<p>I want to write more but I'm truly not quite sure where to keep going.</p>

<p>P.S. writing this into a "personal project" that "requires skill" TO MAKE, MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. i keep falling into that motivation, to do something only if it's a goal, a product, only if i'm productive. ugh :(. this works for now. </p>

</div>

<div>

<p>This is for someone, Date: may 20th 00:10</p>

<p>This is for me I think. I hope you find this. Maybe. Actually no. I think that would ruin everything. i don't know what i would do either. she always asks me if i told "you" yet. there's always a pit in my stomach. I always feel so guitly for loving you. Loving you too much. In the wrong way. in every way. no that sounds goofy</p>

<p>I hate feeling the need to telephone my feelings. why can't i just say how i feel, even in a casual "i love you", i just might choke.<p>

</div>